For You to Sell
Maulika M.
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In the summer of 2021, I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life. I felt as if I was held in a trap by myself. I felt as if I was my worst enemy because I was holding way too high of standards and expectations for myself. The song is about me realizing that I am my worst enemy and I was being being walked over by my perfectionism. The need to be perfect and the need to be accepted by everyone and anyone was hurting me in a way that I had not noticed before. In the past, I had thought that it was ok for me to be mean to myself but I have realized that it is not right and I was only making myself upset. I decided to represent this judgmental part of myself as a separate person that was villainous, evil, and torturous. Since then, I have worked on the lyrics to fit my feelings and the music to complement those emotions. The song is called "For You to Sell" and it expresses the frustration and anger towards the side of me that wants me to be flawless and too hard on myself. Perfectionism felt like a battle that I was having within myself. In the song, I describe my relationship with myself (the villain) as toxic and harmful. The lyrics include lines that embrace the feeling of having a permanent scar in my heart of the brutality of being your own worst enemy. I wanted it to connect with other people because unfortunately it is true that all of us have been or are currently hard on ourselves. We have all battled with the feeling. The track in the background is something that came naturally to me to put together. It starts with a sound of a tape recorder opening and it has lots of different sounds that emit an eery and mysterious vibe. The vocals are breathy and I chose to left the breaths in there to show the raw and pure feeling of discomfort one may feel. The end includes the sound of an ambulance passing by which ties back into the feeling of the villainous vibe and the feeling of being defeated. The very end includes a little cackle audio which to me adds to the eeriness of the song and the villain sitting back and feeling proud of its dominating effects on the innocent. This song was quite the process for me to write and produce. It is very emotional and my vocals in the song feel very tender and sensitive. The lyrics and the track together are intentionally meant to create and convey this feeling of uneasiness and betrayal.
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Exploring and expressing my creativity has helped me embrace difficult emotions and get through hard times in my life. Writing songs, playing music, listening to music, and singing has helped me to communicate my feelings and thoughts in a unique and special way. Music stimulates creativity in me.
